etumukutenyak: (Default)
One of Sonny's "friends", E, had lied to us the first time he went missing for more than 9 hours. When he was "late" getting home this past Wednesday, I called and texted E and told him that no one would believe him this time, because he'd lied, and that the only way to redeem himself was to help find Sonny. At that point, Sonny arrived home, and I dropped contact with E.

So this morning, after Sonny appeared at the school and we'd congregated around him, he admitted to "passing out" and said he'd been with friends all afternoon, including E. Well, that was my opportunity; while we were at the pediatrician, I texted E that "Sonny says he was with you when he passed out". E texted back while we were at the lab, waiting for phlebotomy etc.; he said he hadn't, but he "knew what had really happened". I wrote back that he should immediately talk to Mr. K, the school administrator for their grade, and then emailed Mr. K along with the security guards.

In about 45 minutes, Mr. K emailed: E admitted that Sonny had been drinking to the point of passing out. He told us that it had occurred at the house of a former student (as in "graduated last year and is over 18") near the school. We have the name of that girl and will involve the police in that as soon as possible.

As soon as we finished at the lab, it was time to drive to the (previously-scheduled) appointment with Dr. A, at which I quickly updated her on our new information. She decided we all would confront him with this, so we brought everyone in -- Ex had been part of this all day. Dr. A asked him what had happened, and whether drugs or alcohol had been used. Oh, no, none of that stuff. I hit him with the information that his friends had finally dropped a dime on him, squealed, grassed, informed, you name it. He looked stunned, but finally admitted to having a tiny bit of alcohol in his Coke. He didn't know what kind it was.

The sad thing is, his birth mother is not only a drug addict, but also abuses alcohol, just like her parents. In fact, her dad, his grandfather, died of chronic alcoholism -- a very hard and nasty way to die. He's a high-risk patient.

We then discussed our options while he sat in the waiting room with my iPod (the bribe to keep him sitting), and have a plan being put into action. Dr. A also increased his medications, now that she had not one but two sets of vitals taken at the appropriate times.

He'll be put into a substance abuse intervention program, as an outpatient for now. There's one at the hospital right across the street from my campus, very convenient. They have programs for kids ages 15-17, which is really sad news that there's enough kids to drive that kind of demand. Anyway, Dr. A also said he must have adult supervision all the time -- no excuses.

This means one of us -- mainly me -- will be picking him up from the main office at the end of every school day.

It also means that I'm emptying my house of alcohol. I don't have much -- wine, port, slivovitz, some old bottles from my grandparents -- but it's all leaving tonight. He's with the Ex, and they're going camping with the church group tomorrow. They would have left today, but Things Happened. He's her responsibility all next week, and she's also taking him somewhere next weekend. I'll need the break...this was one of the most draining weeks of my life.

Poor kid. He's got a rough road ahead for some time.

AIGH

May. 23rd, 2011 09:12 pm
etumukutenyak: (Default)
So, the night after Sonny's meltdown (shared with Ex), which was also the night a friend's younger brother had run off for several hours, we got to experience our very own sort-of runaway Son. He'd been told to meet me right after school, for pickup and retrieval to my office (as penance for bad behavior), and he didn't show. He didn't answer his phone, he was nowhere to be found, his friends had No Clue (although some lied, and those names have been carefully noted). We called the police, who responded rapidly and were very supportive. For several hours, we worked on finding him through his friends, the phone number of his new girlfriend (who was not answering), Facebook (in which I hacked his account and changed his password, and upgraded his security settings), and so on. One of my friends, who was also a Facebook friend of his, emailed his girlfriend. K was the one who discovered that Girlfriend knew exactly where Sonny was, and began email chatting her in an effort to get Sonny home -- she offered to pay for a cab to her place, and to mediate any "dispute" he might have had. Her information gathering paid off somewhat, as the girlfriend eventually allowed that Sonny was near her house, and approximately where her house was. In the meantime, he'd been walking all over the place and around 11:30, he ended up at Ex's apartment building, where the concierge called to let her know. She let me know, I notified the police officers, who'd departed to search the parks near GF's house, and they zoomed over to the apartment building to rake him over the coals.

He was tired and hungry. He'd had nothing to eat since lunch, which is scheduled at 10 am for him.

I had been unable to eat dinner while he was missing, and ended up having only a cup of tea around midnight, before I went to bed.

Did I mention the migraine? I'd had a smoldering migraine which flared up when we called the police, not surprisingly, and it didn't leave for days.

So Wednesday I got to reprise my pick up, only this time he was escorted from his last class to the main office to wait for me. Since he had managed to "lose" his back brace the night before, we searched the school grounds until he remembered which remote location behind the school was his hiding spot. In the process, he showed me where that hiding spot was, and I photographed it with my blackberry, then emailed it to the security guards. Yeah, let's make this spot visible so they can chase the idiots out faster.

In addition, since this was my first chance to talk to him since before his escapade, I finally had an opportunity to vent, and boy howdy, did I ever. I used my drill sergeant voice, the one that brooks no opposition, and read him the riot act. At the end, I asked him some questions about how he would have behaved if it had been one of his friends pulling this stunt, and those parents looking for information. He indicated that he would let grownups know where his friend really was, which made me feel a little bit better, and I said so. I also told him that he was not a bad kid, but a good kid making bad decisions.

In my office, I had him working on his nightmare -- the new medication had given him nightmares and sleep disturbances, so I had to train him in some basic "lucid dreaming" techniques. I had him draw how he would modify the dream, and then told him he would re-dream that nightmare, starting as early as he could remember, and modify it in the manner that he'd drawn.

It apparently worked. We also changed back to the previous medication, and need to increase the dosage once the doctor agrees.

Since his little escapade, he's been seriously grounded. He's not allowed to leave school on his own; I have picked him up from the main office every day since then. He's escorted from his last class to the main office, by security. Over the weekend, he began to show some signs of recovery, and has been more motivated to work on his assignments.

I have told him that I don't care if he is actually having sex with his girlfriend (although I would prefer that he not do so); I also told him that I will buy a box of condoms and leave them in the bathroom. All I ask is that he let me know if the supply runs low, so I can buy more. I'd rather have him protected than not.

In reality, I am enraged by this girl, who is older and has lied repeatedly about herself. I suspect she is a pathological liar, since she apparently began the school year by claiming her mother was in the military and thus gone -- requiring much sympathy -- when her mother is not in the military at all. I suspect her parents don't trust her, as her grandfather is at home to watch over her, and this prevented Sonny from entering her house that night. Grandpa was awake and rebuffed her attempts to sneak her boyfriend into her bedroom. I want to shake his hand and buy him a beverage of his choice. I pointed out to Sonny that if her parents couldn't trust her, then how could he? And if he couldn't trust her, how could I?

When I saw her Facebook and text messages to him, I was so angry -- she's seducing him with very adult language that is extremely inappropriate for a 15-yr old. She's not fifteen -- if anything, she's already eighteen and about to turn nineteen; her facebook page claimed a birthdate in 1992.

In another conversation with Sonny, he claimed that she was a volunteer firefighter in this county. I pulled out my ID card, issued to all fire/rescue personnel (which was issued to me upon joining CERT), and showed it to him. If she really is a member of another fire/rescue squad, she'll have one of those. I doubt she does.

Anyway, I blocked her from his friendslist on Facebook. If I ever find her last name, I'll be pondering what legal recourse I have, particularly if I can confirm her birthdate.

As I told my son, it's not the sex that bothers me (to which he responded, "But we haven't had any!"); it's the lying and the sneaking around, and the disrespectful behavior. I will not tolerate it. Those friends of his who lied, they are on my little List of People I Do Not Forget, along with this girlfriend. I may have to wait years, but I will have my revenge. No one leads my son into bad behavior, with lies and hurtful behavior, and gets away with it. He's getting punished appropriately, and so will they.

And so will they.

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