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etumukutenyakSo, the night after Sonny's meltdown (shared with Ex), which was also the night a friend's younger brother had run off for several hours, we got to experience our very own sort-of runaway Son. He'd been told to meet me right after school, for pickup and retrieval to my office (as penance for bad behavior), and he didn't show. He didn't answer his phone, he was nowhere to be found, his friends had No Clue (although some lied, and those names have been carefully noted). We called the police, who responded rapidly and were very supportive. For several hours, we worked on finding him through his friends, the phone number of his new girlfriend (who was not answering), Facebook (in which I hacked his account and changed his password, and upgraded his security settings), and so on. One of my friends, who was also a Facebook friend of his, emailed his girlfriend. K was the one who discovered that Girlfriend knew exactly where Sonny was, and began email chatting her in an effort to get Sonny home -- she offered to pay for a cab to her place, and to mediate any "dispute" he might have had. Her information gathering paid off somewhat, as the girlfriend eventually allowed that Sonny was near her house, and approximately where her house was. In the meantime, he'd been walking all over the place and around 11:30, he ended up at Ex's apartment building, where the concierge called to let her know. She let me know, I notified the police officers, who'd departed to search the parks near GF's house, and they zoomed over to the apartment building to rake him over the coals.
He was tired and hungry. He'd had nothing to eat since lunch, which is scheduled at 10 am for him.
I had been unable to eat dinner while he was missing, and ended up having only a cup of tea around midnight, before I went to bed.
Did I mention the migraine? I'd had a smoldering migraine which flared up when we called the police, not surprisingly, and it didn't leave for days.
So Wednesday I got to reprise my pick up, only this time he was escorted from his last class to the main office to wait for me. Since he had managed to "lose" his back brace the night before, we searched the school grounds until he remembered which remote location behind the school was his hiding spot. In the process, he showed me where that hiding spot was, and I photographed it with my blackberry, then emailed it to the security guards. Yeah, let's make this spot visible so they can chase the idiots out faster.
In addition, since this was my first chance to talk to him since before his escapade, I finally had an opportunity to vent, and boy howdy, did I ever. I used my drill sergeant voice, the one that brooks no opposition, and read him the riot act. At the end, I asked him some questions about how he would have behaved if it had been one of his friends pulling this stunt, and those parents looking for information. He indicated that he would let grownups know where his friend really was, which made me feel a little bit better, and I said so. I also told him that he was not a bad kid, but a good kid making bad decisions.
In my office, I had him working on his nightmare -- the new medication had given him nightmares and sleep disturbances, so I had to train him in some basic "lucid dreaming" techniques. I had him draw how he would modify the dream, and then told him he would re-dream that nightmare, starting as early as he could remember, and modify it in the manner that he'd drawn.
It apparently worked. We also changed back to the previous medication, and need to increase the dosage once the doctor agrees.
Since his little escapade, he's been seriously grounded. He's not allowed to leave school on his own; I have picked him up from the main office every day since then. He's escorted from his last class to the main office, by security. Over the weekend, he began to show some signs of recovery, and has been more motivated to work on his assignments.
I have told him that I don't care if he is actually having sex with his girlfriend (although I would prefer that he not do so); I also told him that I will buy a box of condoms and leave them in the bathroom. All I ask is that he let me know if the supply runs low, so I can buy more. I'd rather have him protected than not.
In reality, I am enraged by this girl, who is older and has lied repeatedly about herself. I suspect she is a pathological liar, since she apparently began the school year by claiming her mother was in the military and thus gone -- requiring much sympathy -- when her mother is not in the military at all. I suspect her parents don't trust her, as her grandfather is at home to watch over her, and this prevented Sonny from entering her house that night. Grandpa was awake and rebuffed her attempts to sneak her boyfriend into her bedroom. I want to shake his hand and buy him a beverage of his choice. I pointed out to Sonny that if her parents couldn't trust her, then how could he? And if he couldn't trust her, how could I?
When I saw her Facebook and text messages to him, I was so angry -- she's seducing him with very adult language that is extremely inappropriate for a 15-yr old. She's not fifteen -- if anything, she's already eighteen and about to turn nineteen; her facebook page claimed a birthdate in 1992.
In another conversation with Sonny, he claimed that she was a volunteer firefighter in this county. I pulled out my ID card, issued to all fire/rescue personnel (which was issued to me upon joining CERT), and showed it to him. If she really is a member of another fire/rescue squad, she'll have one of those. I doubt she does.
Anyway, I blocked her from his friendslist on Facebook. If I ever find her last name, I'll be pondering what legal recourse I have, particularly if I can confirm her birthdate.
As I told my son, it's not the sex that bothers me (to which he responded, "But we haven't had any!"); it's the lying and the sneaking around, and the disrespectful behavior. I will not tolerate it. Those friends of his who lied, they are on my little List of People I Do Not Forget, along with this girlfriend. I may have to wait years, but I will have my revenge. No one leads my son into bad behavior, with lies and hurtful behavior, and gets away with it. He's getting punished appropriately, and so will they.
And so will they.
He was tired and hungry. He'd had nothing to eat since lunch, which is scheduled at 10 am for him.
I had been unable to eat dinner while he was missing, and ended up having only a cup of tea around midnight, before I went to bed.
Did I mention the migraine? I'd had a smoldering migraine which flared up when we called the police, not surprisingly, and it didn't leave for days.
So Wednesday I got to reprise my pick up, only this time he was escorted from his last class to the main office to wait for me. Since he had managed to "lose" his back brace the night before, we searched the school grounds until he remembered which remote location behind the school was his hiding spot. In the process, he showed me where that hiding spot was, and I photographed it with my blackberry, then emailed it to the security guards. Yeah, let's make this spot visible so they can chase the idiots out faster.
In addition, since this was my first chance to talk to him since before his escapade, I finally had an opportunity to vent, and boy howdy, did I ever. I used my drill sergeant voice, the one that brooks no opposition, and read him the riot act. At the end, I asked him some questions about how he would have behaved if it had been one of his friends pulling this stunt, and those parents looking for information. He indicated that he would let grownups know where his friend really was, which made me feel a little bit better, and I said so. I also told him that he was not a bad kid, but a good kid making bad decisions.
In my office, I had him working on his nightmare -- the new medication had given him nightmares and sleep disturbances, so I had to train him in some basic "lucid dreaming" techniques. I had him draw how he would modify the dream, and then told him he would re-dream that nightmare, starting as early as he could remember, and modify it in the manner that he'd drawn.
It apparently worked. We also changed back to the previous medication, and need to increase the dosage once the doctor agrees.
Since his little escapade, he's been seriously grounded. He's not allowed to leave school on his own; I have picked him up from the main office every day since then. He's escorted from his last class to the main office, by security. Over the weekend, he began to show some signs of recovery, and has been more motivated to work on his assignments.
I have told him that I don't care if he is actually having sex with his girlfriend (although I would prefer that he not do so); I also told him that I will buy a box of condoms and leave them in the bathroom. All I ask is that he let me know if the supply runs low, so I can buy more. I'd rather have him protected than not.
In reality, I am enraged by this girl, who is older and has lied repeatedly about herself. I suspect she is a pathological liar, since she apparently began the school year by claiming her mother was in the military and thus gone -- requiring much sympathy -- when her mother is not in the military at all. I suspect her parents don't trust her, as her grandfather is at home to watch over her, and this prevented Sonny from entering her house that night. Grandpa was awake and rebuffed her attempts to sneak her boyfriend into her bedroom. I want to shake his hand and buy him a beverage of his choice. I pointed out to Sonny that if her parents couldn't trust her, then how could he? And if he couldn't trust her, how could I?
When I saw her Facebook and text messages to him, I was so angry -- she's seducing him with very adult language that is extremely inappropriate for a 15-yr old. She's not fifteen -- if anything, she's already eighteen and about to turn nineteen; her facebook page claimed a birthdate in 1992.
In another conversation with Sonny, he claimed that she was a volunteer firefighter in this county. I pulled out my ID card, issued to all fire/rescue personnel (which was issued to me upon joining CERT), and showed it to him. If she really is a member of another fire/rescue squad, she'll have one of those. I doubt she does.
Anyway, I blocked her from his friendslist on Facebook. If I ever find her last name, I'll be pondering what legal recourse I have, particularly if I can confirm her birthdate.
As I told my son, it's not the sex that bothers me (to which he responded, "But we haven't had any!"); it's the lying and the sneaking around, and the disrespectful behavior. I will not tolerate it. Those friends of his who lied, they are on my little List of People I Do Not Forget, along with this girlfriend. I may have to wait years, but I will have my revenge. No one leads my son into bad behavior, with lies and hurtful behavior, and gets away with it. He's getting punished appropriately, and so will they.
And so will they.
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no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 05:37 am (UTC)I hope that if you're not a regular user of God-language, you can translate this into an idiom that better communicates with you.
I especially appreciate your distinction between the sex and the lying and other bad behavior. Sheesh. I've been known to call my dojo-brothers "toyboy", but never, ever even tempted to twist behavior the way this piece of work is twisting your son's.
Crazy(and thinking more good thoughts for your trials)Soph
no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 12:19 pm (UTC)I've talked to him before about sex, and have said before that I firmly believe he should wait (and why), but that I also wanted him to wear protection if he absolutely had to engage in it. I am trying to avoid making it even more attractive (as in the thrill of the forbidden), and really, it's not a big deal as long as he's careful.
It's the lying and the disrespect that send me into the stratosphere. There's just no need for it. She is a piece of work!
(Thanks again)
no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 05:54 am (UTC)I so see #1 Son in your boy, so I feel for you, kiddo. I'm glad the kid seemed to respond favorably to your vent...whenever I did that with #1 Son, back in the day, it turned into a half-hour decibel-fest.
I'm thinking your Son is fibbing about sex with the GF. Just this vibe I have--they've been wrong before. Maybe a nice mom-to-victim chat about statutory rape will cool her act...
no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 12:24 pm (UTC)She picked the wrong child to prey on. I despise liars and predators, and have no compunction whatsoever about scorching the earth to make her pay.
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Date: 2011-05-24 02:21 pm (UTC)http://chzhistoriclols.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-pictures-history-parenting.jpg
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