Date: 2008-07-21 02:34 pm (UTC)
N= [lxs/p+a^π]x A/ Σ(MI)

l=location, s=severity (where severity=depth x length); p = pain, a = acting, and π = pie (or alternative dessert), A = age of subject and MI = maternal instinct. (p) is actually the result of an integral equation that incorporates the number of nerve endings firing at the time of the injury, the length of time since the injury, and the amount of sympathy that can be generated by such an injury.

It's more complicated than you realized, eh?

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