etumukutenyak: (Default)
It seems like every time she sees evidence that I've been working around the house -- cleaning, having work done, etc. -- it provokes a conditioned response in her, and she remembers that she's trying to get bought out.

She had stopped by to bring the tents and pick up Sonny's brace, and noticed the boxes of siding in the yard. That triggered her next line of thought, which was that she needed to resolve the house issue. Yes, *she* needed to resolve it. She wondered if we could work this out together, or if we needed to involve the mediator.

Naturally, I told her we'd work with the mediator, and unless she was willing to drop her "price" it wasn't happening too fast. She didn't care for me walking away from her, but too bad!

As if we could even pretend to focus on the house at the same time as getting our son straightened out! What a selfish jerk.

Well, I can't afford to buy her out AND save our son, so she'll just have to take it or leave it. If she wants to pretend that he's not going to need in-house patient care for his alcoholism, then she can pay for it all herself.
etumukutenyak: (Default)
We had our first counseling session with the JSSA therapist, whom neither of us has met before. She said much the same things she had already said, emphasizing that she'd been "drifting apart" for years. This means that nearly everything we'd done in the past 5 years was a sham, a lie, a failure to communicate.

There's lies in which one tells something that is not true. Then there are lies in which one does not tell the truth, but says nothing and lets people think the wrong things. This is what she describes, only she doesn't like to be called a liar. I wonder why.

There's nothing new, really; I've heard this before. She says she does not want to reconcile. After this, I don't think I want to either. Unless things really change in therapy, I think we will irrevocably separate. Unfortunately for her, she tied herself to me through our son, by asking me to co-adopt him even though she had "misgivings" and failed to say so. That's probably punishment enough.

The cake was a lie. I can work on not mourning the loss of something I never really had, now that I know it.

That trip to Canada just two years ago? A lie, all lies. Everyone liked her, thought she was so nice -- all lies. My birthday celebration last October, in which she arranged for a surprise cruise on the river -- because my mother asked her to do something nice -- was a lie. No wonder her shoulder was killing her. The little bear keychain she brought back from Chicago around the same time, a lie -- she stopped calling me "Bear" years ago.

Now my plan is to get her out of my life and off my mortgage, and change jobs to something that pays more, and move on. In four years, Sonny will be off to college and I will not have to interact any more than a bare minimum with her. I'll be free to move wherever he goes to college, and I hope he picks someplace far away from here. Once he's done with school, I'll be close to retirement and can get out of the government.

I know I'll look back on this as a learning experience. Never pick someone who can't speak up when she feels bad, or only knows how to be nasty and angry when having a difference of opinion. Silver lining? I became a better person having had her in my life, although most of it was a lie. Funny, that.

Ugh. What a fucking liar. I've wasted a lot of time and energy loving someone who didn't really know how to be a true partner. Well, lesson learned.

Anybody have any nice lesbian neighbors, sisters, nieces, friends who are single and reasonably sane? Single mom, mid-to-late 40s, with cats and part-time dogs, plus a son; looking for love in all the wrong places until now, would like to find similar minded lesbian of similar age, with stable job and/or profession. Good sense of humor a must. Also, needs to be a reader of books, not someone who falls asleep over every book she opens. No U-hauls necessary, but some form of commitment will eventually be agreed upon.

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etumukutenyak

February 2017

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